Making friends is not hard.

The mechanics of making friends is really pretty simple. You find a person, you share, they share, you agree you like sharing with each other – {BOOM} – you have a friend.

Okay, that was a little sarcastic, but I’m being serious. Think about a person you are friends with… did you have to fight to be their friend? Were you jumping through hoops? Did you have to pass a test? Was there some bizarre “friendship quest” that you had to complete?

(pleeeease say no, but if the answer is yes to any hoop jumping or worthiness proving, I love you and I feel for you and holy hell I know exactly what being in that space feels like too)

The problem isn’t that making friends is hard; it’s that it’s fucking terrifying.

We humans are hard-wired for community; we need a tribe. Safety in numbers isn’t just a physical thing, it’s emotional and mental and even spiritual. So why are so many of us lonely?

Because rejection sucks.

Because people let us down.

Because that’s the Judgey McJudgerson world we see when we look out of our window… and what you see out there usually looks a whole bunch like what’s happening between your ears.

The first step in finding your tribe has absolutely nothing to do with the world out there. This week, I challenge you to grab a sheet of notebook paper or a page in your diary and fold it straight down the middle. On one side take note of times when you find yourself judging others and leave the other side for times you judge yourself.

For each instance, ask yourself:

  • What was the judgment?
  • What prompted it?
  • Why am I making this judgment – in what way does it serve me?
  • What kind of feeling does making this judgment give me?

Be soooo kind to yourself while you do this; it’s tough to witness your own judgment without judging yourself even more. That’s all part of the vicious cycle that you are trying to interrupt! You are simply becoming aware of instances in which your mind, or ego, oversteps its bounds.

Next week, we are going to look at ways to shift those judgments into narratives that connect instead of separate. I’d love to hear your experience below – challenges, aha moments, questions, and support for other bravehearts on the same journey are welcome!

*********************************

If you are in the Raleigh, Durham, Chapel Hill NC area and would like to connect with other #soberbravehearts just like you, join us on April 8 for our first Sober Second Sunday – Harnessing the Power of Your Sober Story. Meet some like-minded ladies while learning how to embrace the power of your decision to create the life you truly desire. Seats are free and space is limited – sign up here or contact hello@uncagedgrace.com for more information.